


Mr. Ackerman

by Pjkal



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: College Student Eren Yeager, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Perfume Genius Music
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-09
Updated: 2015-05-09
Packaged: 2018-03-29 17:42:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3905146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pjkal/pseuds/Pjkal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>- Based off of the song Mr. Peterson by Perfume Genius - </p><p>Eren is a college student with a cranky English teacher, Mr. Levi Ackerman, who he starts falling for. As the two finally start coming together, Eren realizes something isn't right. After what happens, his world changes forever.</p><p>- This is a one-shot, there won't be anything after this. -</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mr. Ackerman

**Author's Note:**

> I'm working on my other writing, but found this so I'm gonna submit it.
> 
> \--
> 
> If you want to understand why I wrote this...thing... Go listen to the song Mr. Peterson by Perfume Genius. It is literally based off of that.
> 
> Also, if you're triggered by depression, suicide, death, or anything like that, just don't do it (I like to see these warnings because I am very sensitive towards the subject : so it's why I warned ya'll). This is a very deep and sad song & this work is based purely off of that (maybe with a little bit of experience on the side).
> 
> Either than that, please don't hurt me for this. If you wanna, leave reviews, I like reading them.
> 
> My tumblr: Goddessnesss.tumblr.com

I look back at my life and can't help but remember Mr. Ackerman, my English teacher with a bad attitude. I had never loved anyone so much in my entire existence, the memories of him were so clear, it seemed like they had just happened. I wish I could go back in time...

\--

I was 19 and a total dork, his eyes instantly caught mine on the first day of class. He gave me this dark look and I made myself look away. Did he hate me already? My gpa was struggling as it was, I didn't think I could handle another C or D.

"Eren Jaeger?"

I raised my hand and we made eye contact yet again. I heard a 'hmph' come from him as he saw that everyone else were in their social groups and I was alone. He walked over to me and sat on the desk beside mine. "Why are you alone, Jaeger?"

I shrugged, "I don't really have any friends... So, um.. I just stick to myself." He looked at the other students, then back to me. "Well, why don't I give you the book early, since you seem to have all the free time in the world without friends. We don't have all the students in yet, so we won't be starting anything hard right now." I nodded, "Yes, thank you, Mr. Ackerman."

"...The name is Levi, brat."

He had given me the books early and I did his assignments without distraction, which seemed to keep me on his good side. I would stay after class and help him clean, it being my last period of that day. We would work normally in silence, but for my help, he would bring me notes of the book to help me study. There was so much being said without words, that was held in the silence we kept and looks we gave one another. We slowly started becoming dependent upon each other's company, but after the class room was clean, he would go off to smoke and I would depart for my dorm with a polite farewell.

But, today was different. "Eren. Would you mind helping me take these papers and such out to the car? I keep postponing grading so I have a mountain of shit I need to take home." I nodded, "Sure thing, Mr. Ack- I mean, Levi."

 _You can take me home too, Levi_.

I had to admit, he was ridiculously gorgeous. He had dark eyes, jet black hair with an undercut, pale skin, and wore adorable suits to class. Though, he'd probably chuck a textbook at my face if I ever told him I found him adorable. He was a little shorter than me, but he had 10x the attitude.

I scooped up a huge stack of books and papers, following him out to his truck, which was parked waaaay off campus. We started stacking the papers in his back seat, slowly piling everything in and barely able to shut the door. He popped open the trunk, which was wide enough to lay down in, and sat down on the edge. He light something that looked like a cigarette at first, but I realized that it wasn't that at all. It was a blunt.

"What the- you could get fired, you know!"

He snorted, "Who's going to tell, you? Please." He shifted and snagged another out of his pocket, "Want some? I would offer you a hit, but I'm a greedy bastard." I was hesitant, but I took the blunt. I realized that Levi parked in such a secluded parking lot, there wasn't another car around and the place was surrounded by trees. "Light it, will you?" I asked. He looked at me with a smirk, lighting it. At first, I coughed, which earned a laugh from him. But after a while, I got the hang of it. "I haven't done this since high school." He looked over at me, "Live a little. We all die anyway."

_You're right. We do... We shouldn't live with any regrets. But, why are you so lighthearted about dying?_

"Live life to the fullest, Eren. You never know when your clock will run out." I looked over at him, then we locked eyes and we knew. Our silence had finally been broken and all those unheard thoughts finally came forward. Before I knew what happened, we were laying in the back of his truck, making out. His body on top of mine, his touches were surprisingly gentle and kisses hungry. He seemed so lonely, but we were so hungry for each other. I slipped him out of that shirt and dorky tie, he slipped me out of my pants.

I had never felt such an amazing feeling in my life when we finally came together. His hot breath on my neck, the goosebumps prickling across my skin, our faces red with heat. I gripped his hair as he lost himself deep within my body, I had lost myself in euphoria. I could barely keep my eyes open, but I got one glance at him and saw tears filling his eyes. My heart swelled and when it was finished, I held him close to me. I kissed his nose, cheeks, lips, forehead and above his eyes.

I didn't believe it when I felt hot tears on my chest. How was this possible? He was always so emotionless and stern, though kind enough. I had never thought he would open up to me like this, I instantly wanted to hold him tighter and tell him I loved him over and over.

"Levi?" I looked down at him, I felt the nerves swimming through my body.

"Hm?"

"I think I love you." His breath hitched and he looked up at me. His head was resting on my chest, our arms wrapped around each other. "You're high, Eren."

I shrugged, "Regardless. What do you say to that?" He sat up a bit, then kissed me again with passion enough to make me go silent. When we broke away, he smiled. "Shut up." He kissed me again, over and over. Then, we caught a glimpse at the clock and he nearly had a heart attack. "Shit, I forgot to lock up. Erwin is going to kill me. Look, I'll drive you back to campus or wherever you need to go... But, just don't speak about today with anyone. I could get in serious trouble, again. Erwin already caught me smoking once." I laughed, "Who could I tell, Levi?"

The classes after that one were never the same. People remarked about the hickey on my neck and thankfully, no one traced them back to Levi, who had a few small ones on his collar bones. "Got lucky last night, Jaeger?" A classmate of mine, Jean Kirstein, asked as we walked into English. "Yeah, though it's none of your business, Kirstein." I never really liked the bastard, but we somehow had his love/hate relationship going, which started in math when we were assigned seats next to one another.

"Sit down and can it, we have a book to review." Levi snapped and we all went to our seats. Neither of us could wait until class was over, I would go to Levi's truck or once, in the supply closet (biggest school cliche ever, right?). Somehow, though we were both wrapped up in each other, I could tell there was a deeper sadness within Levi. I felt in when I touched his skin and tasted it on his tongue. As the months passed with us, I felt it growing worse.

"Here." He said one day as we finished, I was putting my shirt on. "Huh?" I looked down and saw, he handed me a cd. "Perfume Genius?" He nodded, "My favorite CD in this world. Makes me think of you." _Thank you, Levi._

"Eren..." I looked at him uncertainly, hearing that weird sadness in his voice now. "Yes?" He looked at me with this broken, dead stare. "I think there is something missing in me. I feel like I don't belong here."

_Was this the weed talking or him?_

"What do you mean you don't belong here? Levi, you belong here with me. You have a life, a job... Me..." But I knew that it wasn't that. I suddenly placed this from my psych class. Was he depressed? Even worse, was he thinking about...? No. He couldn't, could he?

"I love you, Eren. But I don't really know if I can really stay so long..." I kissed his cheek. "Please don't leave me, Levi. Promise me.." He shook his head, "I can't." I took his hands in mine, "Then come stay with me tonight. I want you to be safe with me." He looked over, "Why don't you just come home with me? Do you have anything you have to do?"

"I just need to drop my stuff at home and grab some clothes." He nodded and we drove to my home and then his.

_How long can I keep this up? What he really needs is help, but I know he isn't the type to get it._

As I crawled into bed with him that night, I had never felt at home like this. But worry for him clouded my mind. It had been nearly 5 months since we had first come together, but this build up... I couldn't help but feel guilty. I knew it probably wasn't my fault, but I felt like it was. It even took some of the excitement out of sex.

"I love you." I said as I kissed him goodnight. "I love you too, Eren. Always remember that."

_What the hell does that mean... Fuck, Levi, you're scaring me._

I was right to feel afraid. I was right to feel upset and hold him as close as I could that night. I remembered every kiss he had given me that night, I still had the fresh marks of his hickeys on me. I still had his shirt on and I don't think I can ever depart with it, it has his smell still. When I left his house the next day, I should have known.

"Goodbye, Eren." He whispered as we kissed, then kissed again. I had a pit in my stomach, but I thought it maybe was the fact that I was going to be late for math. "I will be back after math, ok? Be careful and call me if you need anything. M-Maybe I shouldn't go." He shook his head, "No, you need to. You should study for finals with the teacher who will be giving and grading." I nodded, "Ok. Goodbye, Levi." We kissed one last time, then I departed.

Goddamn it, I should have stayed with him.

When I found him, my world shattered. I screamed his name and cried. As the police came in, I was in shock. His body was growing cold already, but I couldn't bear seeing them take him away. I found a CD with my name written in sharpie, another Perfume Genius CD addressed to me. The funeral was Erwin and I with a few other friends of his, I don't think I had ever cried so hard.

I nearly dropped out of school, if it wasn't for another student who came to bring me make up work and food afterwards. His name was Armin Arlert - he had become my one closest friend after Levi passed. Jean and a few others came to check on me, realizing what the situation really was. I was gaining a small support group with these new friends, who I'm still close to now.

As I recall this memory now - 3 years later, I'm standing at the grave with flowers in hand. I stood with Armin, holding his hand with my other tightly. He stood there in silence as I cried, then sat under the tree a few feet away while I spoke to Levi.

"Hey, Levi. I know it's been three years, though I visit you every year. I only knew you for a small amount of time, but thank you for being with me... And I'm s-so sorry-" my voice broke as tears streamed down my face, "I'm sorry I wasn't there to stop you... I'm so sorry..." I held up the two CD's in my hand. "You left these for me. You knew what you were going to do... I know that with the note you left me, you say you loved me. You knew you were ready to go. And I love you too, I wish I could have convinced you enough to stay." I sniffled as Armin walked over, "I hope whoever you are, Levi, there is room for you there. And I hope you are happy."

Armin took my hand and together we walked back to my car. I turned on the music and let myself float back to my memories with him. Though it will always hurt me to remember, I refuse to forget you Levi. And even though I'm with Armin now, you will always have a place in my heart. I just hope wherever you are, you don't forget me. And when I go, I hope I can see you again. Until then, Mr. Ackerman, this is goodbye.


End file.
